A friend no matter what

A friend no matter what

Even if I seem to walk away
Even if I seem confused
Even if I look hurt
Even if you find me crying
Even if I seem to hide

Don't look for me
Don't wipe away my tears
Don't try to ease my pain
Don't try to explain
Don't walk towards me

All these are fleeting

So long as I'm breathing
Your friend will I be.


Dedication

For a friend I'm so blessed to have met. I hope she'll be my friend forever, no matter what.

Update 7/26/2006

I hope people remember that this is a poem filled with metaphors just to concretized abstract things. I'm not being overly dramatic here. I'm just writing a poem. That's all. I also removed her name from the dedication for privacy reasons. She knows who she is anyway. I wrote this poem, by hand, on her notebook of text messages. :)

Hide and seek

Sometimes I amazed myself at what I get myself into. A tangled web of deception. A ruthless form of hide and seek. I feel like I've thrown myself into this game where I seem to be the only one who doesn't know the rules. Not knowing the rules wouldn't have matter that much if I end up being good at this game. But I'm not good at it. Never has, never will. I'm playing with veterans who know all the rules and knowledgeable of every trick. They've played this longer than I did. I should just accept that I'm not good at it and stop playing. I don't want to play anymore. What am I trying to prove anyway?

I say goodbye to this game. I say goodbye to this weird form of hide and seek.

Dear Lord, please give me the strength to get out of this game. Please guide me on how to do it. I really want out this time, O Lord. Please help me. Amen.

In other news...

I've watched the final two episodes of Goong (Palace/Princess Hours) last night. But I'm too tired to blog about it now. I will, soon, hopefully. I finished it just in time when my boss noticed that I no longer come in to work on time. I better be careful. I should exert extra effort to come to work on time. I'm not like this before. I used to come in early and leave late. Time to regain my old self. It'll be hard. It probably won't happen tomorrow. But I have to. Not because my boss wants me to, but because it's the right thing to do. It's the right thing to do just like to stop playing this hide and seek. It's the right thing to do.

Lots of poems

A friend from HR let me borrow her compilations of poems she wrote some years ago. As I progressed through the pages, my enthusiasm to go finish two poems I started months ago peaked. Two poems that I almost forgot about are now printed on paper that I'm staring at right now, looking for the words to finish them. Well, I'm not actually staring at them this instant because obviously I'm blogging. I'm taking a quick break from staring at them.

Reading someone else's poetry is like staring at someone's soul. This is especially true when you know the person who wrote the poems. It's eerie to stare at someone else's soul. I almost feel guilty. In return I shared to her all eight poems that I have so far written. For sure I've written more, but only eight of them can be found. Those I've written in college are forever lost.

Staring at someone else's soul... Yeah. This is my reaction to reading her poems. Due to lack of sleep, I earlier sent a message stating this to the wrong recipients. Things like this happen when you open two emails at the same time. Your sleep-deprived mind plays game on you. You roll two threads into one. Good thing there's a Recall Message function in MS Outlook. For over a week now I've been sleeping at past twelve midnight and waking up at around 6:30 in the morning. Maybe I shouldn't be finishing these poems while I'm visibly sleepy and tired. Or even better I should start sleeping at 10:00 PM again. I shouldn't even be blogging right now. For all I know, I'm writing gibberish here. Guess I'll find out in the morning when I read what I posted.

Lack of sleep

If a tree drops dead in a forest due to lack of sleep and there's nobody there, does it make a sound?

I feel the wind

Koy found himself sitting
On a hill overlooking the sea,
On the misty grass,
Under the majestic tree,
With the wind fiercely blowing.
His body cold and shivering.
But he didn't mind.
He got up and cried,
"I'm ignoring you
not because I don't feel you,
rather because I do.
Blow and I shiver."
He bowed and sat back.
Shimmering is the sea he's watching.
Gleaming is his future.

It seems that I'm trying to begin every post with an ugly quick free verse, lately. Ugly as they may be, but I like how they can summarize my thoughts in as few words as possible.

In other news...

I'm halfway through the book, "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran. It contains his brilliant thoughts on love, marriage, children, joy and sorrow, among others.

I've seen "Il Mare" yesterday afternoon. I was very tired and sleepy, though, that I think I dozed off a number of times. Now I can't piece the story together. I better watch it again fully awake. This is the Korean movie where the American movie "The Lakehouse" is based on.

Whoa! For four straight years now, Roger Federer of Switzerland is the Wimbledon champ. And he's only 24. The king of clay, Rafael Nadal, gave it his best shot but Federer is simply the king of grass.

one word: pane

The one word for today is pane. And I wrote this:

Clear and smooth and translucent. I can see right through you. You can't hide. You've been read.

If you don't know the rules of One Word, you see one word and you have 60 seconds to write about it. Haha. I think I'm into something here. :)

Somewhere between admiration and love

Peter woke up one night
In a strange place there he was
Beyond the Village of Admiration
Not reaching the City of Love
Walking in circles
Confused

Who's Peter? Don't you mean Carl? Hehe...

In other news...

A colleague from Accounting has just lent me her book, "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran. She's the same friend who because of our email exchanges have made me interested in a Korean novela titled, "Goong" (Palace/Princess Hours). I never thought I'd be interested in watching any Korean novela. The strange thing is she never really directly or deliberately tried to convince me of watching Goong. One day she just sent me the theme song from the novela, we got to talking about it and the story behind it, and before I knew it I asked her if I could borrow her copy. I've just finished watching the 16th episode (of 24). Kamsa hamnida, Kathy.

Last Saturday, July 1, I got together with three of my college classmates (Natnat, Red, and Mark Jason). The plan was to go to mass, dinner, movie, and videoke. Didn't turn out quite as planned due to real world factors. Only Mark and I were able to attend the mass. All four of us had dinner. We didn't get to see a movie because the talking just went on and on. Natnat, Red, and I went to a videoke house, but the house was filled, so we had to wait a while. Red wasn't able to wait (or she just doesn't want to sing) so she left early. So it was down to me and Natnat for a three-hour singing till past two in the morning the next day.

While leaving, we passed by the room where my friends from work along with our Japanese friend were singing their hearts out. And so I stayed there and sang a few songs till past three in the morning.

I have not love in vain

If you are happy
Even if you're with someone else
I will let go of how I feel
And I am happy
I have not love in vain.

:'(

Haha. Been busy with my boring life these days that I haven't blog in a while. Even the five lines above wasn't intended for this blog. I emailed this to a friend in Accounting who loaned me her copy of the Korean drama, "Goong". This is what one of the male character in the series feels like right now in the episodes I'm currently watching. We do this sort of discussion about the series and in one of our conversations I sent it. I don't think you need to know what "Goong" is all about to understand his feelings. Maybe this is how I feel right now, too. Maybe. Shall I elaborate on this? Perhaps in the future.