Away from work

It was nice to spend one full week without thinking about work. While I may have done a lot more walking for the past seven days than the whole of last month combined, I still enjoyed it. It was refreshing not to think about work in a place where the weather is often just right (not too hot and not too cold, for me at least). Not once did I think about opening work email. How I wish I have enough money to stay there for a month or two.

The hardest thing

There I was wearing the very dress shirt and pants that I wore on my first day of work in Cebu, watching my colleagues, my friends, perform their group presentations, thinking, they are what I will miss the most when I leave.

Holy week 2011

This would be the first time that I will spend the Holy Week away from home. Holy Week, like Christmas, is usually that time of the year when people working away from home come home. At least for me. But I know for certain this is true to most people I know. I expect majority of the people in the office will be on vacation starting Monday.

Part of me is sad that I'm not spending a restful week at home that I usually do every Holy Week since I started working away from home. But part of me is also happy to break from routine once in a while.

Worth it

There are three times in the year that I make it a point to be in my home city: the Holy Week, few days in the week of All Saints' Day, and the last two weeks of the year (Christmas). For this week's All Saints' Day, it's worth the expenses and the travel time for, among other things, this:

Watching the rain drench everything.

Sitting at the front porch in the afternoon, watching the rain drench everything in front of me. If I wasn't tinkering with my new phone, I'd already be in the middle of it. Drenched.

Easter versus Christmas

Easter is like Christmas. No, this is not a philosophical statement. It's just an observation on how in many ways Easter is like Christmas in the Philippines, at least for me. I take a long break in both events. I go back to my home city during both events. I take a rest in both events.

One big difference, though, is Easter break is more restful for me than Christmas break. During Christmas I go to all these parties and mini-parties, from departmental to company-wide to little parties with batch mates and reunion with friends. I go to malls and shop for gifts.

Easter is different. It's much more laid back. More restful. Before the dawn of cable television there was even nothing on TV from Maundy Thursday to Black Saturday. I can even remember as a kid we were forbidden to run around and play during Good Friday. So what my childhood friends and me would usually do is just sit and tell stories all day, when not in church for the services. Easter is a time for rest, real rest. It was then when I was a child, and it is still now that I'm an adult. And if only Easter doesn't happen on summer here in the Philippines I'd call it the perfect break, the perfect vacation.

Happy Easter everyone. Enjoy the rest of your vacation.

Slacker blogger shares his thoughts

This is just my third post for the year. Wow. Not even one post per month. I'm now officially a slacker blogger. It's probably because of Facebook and Twitter. Somehow it's far easier to come up with a sentence or two and post it in Facebook and Twitter than a couple of paragraphs for a blog. And it's far easier for my friends to write short sentences as comments (sometimes not even complete sentences) in Facebook and Twitter.

Back in 2006 and 2007 when I still didn't have a personal internet connection I blogged more frequently. Back then, I would sometimes write a blog post in my offline PC at home, save it in a text file, bring it to work and post the thing using my online office workstation. Facebook and Twitter has certainly helped curtail my blogging days, but they are by no means the only reasons why I blog less nowadays. I have been slacking way before I had my Facebook account (started only in September 2009 to primarily stay in touched with my co-assignees as well as friends in Mauritius). With Twitter I think I only started late 2008.

I have always called this my own Muggle pensieve. It's something where I put my thoughts, whatever thoughts that I happen to have at a particular time so that I can go back and look at my past in a more literal way. Well, it's not looking any good right now. If I look back, for example, at what I was thinking about a year ago, I can read from my blog that there aren't that much. A lot of thoughts, I presume, were lost forever. It's easier to save what I see. I just take a picture and that's it. Not much effort. But with thoughts, well, they take some time to preserve. And I haven't been judicious to spend some of my time to preserve what I was thinking or feeling at a particular moment.

It's been a while since I last wrote something here other than a mini-review of a movie or TV show that I've seen or a book that I've read. It's been a while since I just wrote purely random thoughts on here. I wish I could say this will stop now. That in the next few days things will change. That at the end of the year this blog will be littered with far more random thoughts than ever before. I wish I could say it. I truly do. But only time can tell.

Almost a full circle

Next month marks the fifth year that I would be in Blogger and a blogger. So I'm changing a few things around the blog to reflect its original name. The Smaller Picture. It better represents what this blog was all about from the get go. It is meant to keep for posterity the small thoughts that occasionally pop up in my mind. With this changes I hope to save more small thoughts here. I used to put poems and reflections here along with the occasional movie, tv, and book reviews. Lately it had been mostly about the latter stuffs. But I hope to change this in the coming days. This probably wouldn't mean that I'll be posting more frequently, but rather that I'd be striking a balance between using this blog as a life journal (which is what is currently happening) and a place to keep creative writing exercises. Of course, I'm not known to keep goals I set out for this blog in the past, but that doesn't mean that I should stop trying.

Right. Now off to sleep.

A very long weekend

It's the Friday before the Holy Week. It's the prelude to a long weekend for the working class. At least to those who managed to sneak a vacation leave on the only two working days next week. Around me there's a prantic almost deliberate sense of doing nothing. In the hearts and minds of the working class, the long weekend is about to start. And we anticipate it like we do Christmas, but to a lesser, more subdued extent.

What does a member of the working class do for a weeklong break?

Should I read books? Be transported to a world so different or so similar to my own. Should I watch a lot of TVs? And just sit around and eat and doze off. Should I watch lots of movies? And still sit around and eat and doze off. Should I buy a digicam? And shoot pictures to my heart's content. Should I write a lot (and not just blog posts)? Create a world where I'm in total control of the fate of the characters. Where happy endings are a sentence away.

Whatever I end up doing, so long as it isn't work. So long as I'm near my parents. So long as I am home. I need this rest and somehow I feel I deserve it.

***

I wasn't very busy when I started writing this earlier Friday.  And then I got busy. Thus, the late post.

Day before Christmas

Last year, I didn't go home for Christmas. And since all the people that I know went home for Christmas I was left to fend for myself. But it wasn't really as dramatic as "fend for myself" made it sound. I spent the whole day in SM Cebu. And I discovered that perhaps people make their last-minute shopping two days before Christmas. SM Cebu on December 24, 2007 was the emptiest I found the mall that year. There were still many people, of course, but compared to the usual day it was by far "emptier". There wasn't even a line when I took my lunch in Chowking at around 12:00 noon. At the same time any other day and I would have been at least tenth in line with four lines total.

***

Going home that day I bought season 3 of House so that I had something to be busy with in the hours leading to Christmas and on Christmas day itself because the malls were closed for the holiday. Luckily, the 3rd season had a twist in that House fired all his staff and conducted a reality-tv-like contest to search for his new staff. It was an interesting season and kept the series fresh.

Break and rebuild

Smooth, smooth, slow, smooth, smooth, slow, slow, smooth.

That's the flow of traffic from our home to downtown Cagayan de Oro. Or at least that's the flow during rush hours. The last time I was here, third week of November, they were not yet there. And yet here they are just weeks later. Roads. Underconstruction. What's interesting is that I didn't notice any problem with the roads they are reconstructing now. But then again I'm just a commuter so what do I know about roads and such? But why December? It's the month when most Kagay-anons working and studying outside the city comes back home for the Christmas break. Perhaps to give us the illusion of progress? Or maybe to treat our eyes to something different than we were last here? So that we may go ahead and nod our heads and think, "Ahh... Something's changed." Whatever the reason, these roads will certainly be smoother after they are done, I hope.

***

It's the fifth day of my long vacation and Christmas is a mere four sleeps away, and I still haven't started reading any of the books that I planned to read for this long vacation. Somehow I found places to go to and things to do besides reading books. I'm still determined to finish them before I go back to Cebu, but even if I won't finish them I'd still be able to read them the next time I return. But hey, it's a long vacation, and really this is just the fifth day. There'll be plenty of idle times ahead and when they do come I'll be ready, book in hand, pillow on my back, and nothing around me but the cool, drowsy silence of our village in idle times.

Oh, gladness

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Everywhere. Almost everywhere. Christmas songs are playing. Decorations are up and they're no more prominent than when I go home at night. Christmas is here and there's nothing you can do about it.

Last year, I had to spend Christmas away from home. It was my first year to work in a city far from my home. It's an island away in fact. And it became my first time to spend Christmas away from home. December 26th wasn't declared a special holiday and I didn't want to travel Christmas night to go to work the next day. And so I decided not to go home for Christmas, opting to go home for the New Year Holiday instead. But Christmas isn't really just one day, so if I think about it I did go home for Christmas, it's just not on the 25th.

This year will be different. I have a timely rolloff from a project and I'm now entitled to paid vacation. And I will be taking it in the last two weeks of December. This year, I will truly be going home for Christmas. And I'm so happy.

One year hence

I just came from our project's first year anniversary party. It also officially marked my first year working here in Cebu. I'm happy with what I have learned and will learn in the future. I don't regret working here. But I missed home a lot. It's been four months since my last trip home and I missed my parents very much. But I can't go home because I don't want to have to plan to go home on a weekend only to fail because there are urgent things that need to get done at work. It's tiring, but I honestly love what I'm doing. Thankfully, two airlines now operate daily flights from Cebu to Cagayan de Oro. They're a bit more expensive than going by ferry, but an hour an a half's flight is certainly less stressful. Flying home also means not having to hurry on Fridays just to catch the eight o'clock voyage. There's a morning and an afternoon Saturday flight to choose from. This doesn't mean that I'll never go home by ferry again, but it's just nice to have an option to fly home Saturday instead of just the ferry ride Friday night.

Some of my DM barkadas had left my former company also. One is now working in another IT company here in Cebu. Two have flown to Dubai. And another one is joining my present company, but was assigned to another location.

I remember my last full day in my previous company. I was really really sad. I truly had a dream of retiring from that company. My parents had both worked there more than half of their lives. I was prepared to do the same. But sadly, I had to face reality. I saw no future there and was compelled to look for opportunities elsewhere.

I'm happy with where I am now. Yeah, it's tiring at times, but there have been wonderful events as well. All the team building events as well as our mini-tours and night outs with my start mates had been fun and I'm looking forward to our future trips. I have also made a lot of new wonderful, smart, energetic, fun, and caring friends. I know God has a reason for me to be here. There have been countless events in my life where I didn't understand why I was in some difficult situation only to have the answer weeks or months after they happen. My resignation from my previous job last year was in itself nothing short of a perfect timing. From what I had gathered from my previous colleagues, my former department isn't headed towards anything. Had I not resigned, it would have been another year of doing pretty much the same thing. Instead, I'm learning new stuffs everyday.

God truly has His mysterious ways. It's sometimes difficult at first, but looking back they're perfect.

Theater Report: Forbidden Kingdom

April 23, 2008
Ayala Center Cinema 1
7:30 PM
Attendance: 95% of capacity

Story:

Jason is a kung fu obsessed teenager. He frequented what looked like a very weird video shop ran by an odd old man. He found a staff that turned out to be magical and was once owned by the Monkey King. Jason turned out to be "the one" who'll free the Monkey King from a Jade lord curse. To do that, though, he apparently had to travel back in time or to use the movie's term, "go through the gate of no gate" (what the heck?) to when Jackie Chan wore a hideous wig (I hope it's not his real hair) playing the "drunken master" (which I have to say he couldn't do as well as he once did years ago) and Jet Li was, well, Jet Li. Trained by these two masters, the evil Jade simply had no chance. There's this girl they threw into the story at a fight scene in a tea house who obviously was just thrown there so that the movie will have a female character (which otherwise doesn't add to the story). Jason fell in love with this girl later, or at least the writer tried to fool us that he did. This subplot has got to be the most underdeveloped love subplot in the history of impossible movie love affairs. This female character was simply just the token love-interest-of-the-hero role. The writer tried to flesh her character out by having her tell the story of how the evil Jade lord killed her father and burned down their village. But the way she told it and the way the "flashback" was presented on screen, I just didn't care. In the end her character was insignificant. Negligible. And sure enough she was killed later in the movie. And I shed not a single drop of tear. Even the circumstances upon which she died was a token kill-the-love-interest-of-the-hero act. In the end Jet Li trainor of Jason turned out to be a strand of hair of the Monkey King (which he used to clone himself) and drunken master Jackie Chan turned out to be odd old man from the odd old videoshop. The token love-interest girl reappeared in her 21st century hot girl glory seconds away from when the end credits scrolled up. And Jason smiled a knowing smile.

Thoughts:

The way I described the story above should be enough for anyone to gauage how I feel about this movie. What an utter waste of 140 pesos. Several of us from the office decided we should watch a movie. A mini poll was conducted. This movie won. It might look like I spoiled the movie by telling what happened in the end, but in reality I'm saving you (all four of you who read my blog) from accidentally spending your hard-earned cash on this movie.

Would I see it again? Would I recommend it to my friends? If you have to ask, you'll never know.

***

Actually, if I forget about the 140 pesos I paid for the ticket for a moment, I believe the very simplistic love connection presented in the movie between Jason and the token heroe's-love-interest can happen in real life. When both of you are eight. At that age, there's a big chance that your crush also has a crush on you. And you go on having a crush at each other, spending a lot of time together, writing each other notes, until such time that the two of you graduates from elementary school and had to go each other's separate ways because you are going to an all-boys high school and she an all-girls one.

I don't know. Just my opinion.

Just dreams

Last year, I attended the World Youth Day Cross vigil here in Cagayan de Oro. The cross was en route to Sydney, Australia for the World Youth Day 2008. I dream of attending the event.

Last year, I wanted to attend a solitary retreat for my birthday.

This year, I would have loved to attend the three-day stay-in holy week retreat sponsored by Xavier University.

In kindergarten, I wrote "Doctor" as my ambition in our yearbook. In elementary, I wrote "Physical Therapist". In senior year high school, I wrote "Accountancy" as my first choice on what course to take. In college, I finished "Computer Science".

From when I was seven until I was nine, I used to draw stick drawings that to me passed as "movie posters" on a cardboards. Now I have this secret ambition of writing a novel. Could I ever achieve this?

In college, I told myself that I would write computer games for a living. Now I write business applications.

We were close. And then far. We connected. And then lost touch.

I dreamt. And then hoped. Changed my mind. And then hoped.

Life is more than a journey. It's a chase. May I gain speed as I grow. And so may you.

God speed.

2007

I wanted to have the usual end of year list. Every blog should have it at the end of each year. List of books that I liked and not liked, movies, tv shows, and events. It's too late to do that now (obviously) so I'll just write some of my thoughts of the year that was 2007.

“I went to take memories. And to talk more than to see. Never got the chance on talking.”

In 2006, I took every opportunity to have my picture taken in my cubicle, in the cubicle of my colleagues, in the canteen, and in the small landmark places outside our office building. I took the opportunities to take pictures of my colleagues. I joined a colleague in his golf games, not to play golf, but to take pictures of the golf course that my previous employer owned. Somehow I knew, I would be leaving the company.

And in the second half of 2007, I did leave the company to work for another one in another city. It was an opportunity to try to fend for myself and train rigorously in the field that I now loved, an opportunity that was too good to miss and couldn’t have come at a better time. There were rumors that our department will be dissolved, replaced by the IT department of the new owner’s company. There were talks that it won’t happen. I did not wait to see which is true. I left.

“How are you?”

“The decision was the right one, given the circumstance.”

The thing about leaving your comfort zone is that you grow uncomfortable. For the first time I was away from home, from my family, from my friends that I have known since I was four, and the colleagues that I had worked with, laughed with, talked with, and sang with for over four years. It’s like being under the sun all of a sudden when your whole life you only knew rain. It’s a good thing that work is similar to the previous one. If it hadn’t, it would have been like sucked in a whirlwind instead of just being thrown in a world where the familiar rain is absent, replaced by the warm sunlight.

After over six months in the uncomfort zone number one, life is getting better. I can see the heavy clouds looming ahead. Soon enough, the drizzle will come. And then the familiar rain. The heat will give way to the relaxing coolness.

“Do you think your 2008 will be better than last year?”

“Don’t know. Does the wind always come before the rain?”

I don’t want to predict my 2008, not that anyone can predict what will happen in the future. But one always prays that the new year would be better than the last. Each year contains its set of setbacks and its set of advances. How can I chose one over the other?

“Any new year resolution?”

“I don’t know what it means anymore.”

To lose X number of pounds. To lose X number of enemies and gain X number of friends. Never commit the same mistakes again, would that be a resolution? If so, then that’s probably it. I’d love to achieve that. I probably won’t.

“Were you happy with how your new year started?”

“Outside the comfort zone, the start of the year went unnoticed.”

It’s almost March and I’m just writing this now. I am happy.

Those good old dreams

When I sent my application to DM five years ago it was not business, it was personal. My mother worked for the company for 37 years and my father for around 20 years (I can't pull the exact figure off the top of my head right now). Discounting the scholarship I got over the years of my life as a student, the money that my parents got from DM pretty much paid for my education, not to mention the food on our table, and come to think of it, the table itself where eat the food. In my application five years ago, I said in my cover letter that I hope to serve the company for the same number of years like my parents did. I wanted to nurture a career in IT within the company and was prepared to retire with the company. Not being able to realize this now is the saddest part of leaving DM because when I wrote it in my application letter I meant it.

Some of our dreams come true. Some don't. This is one of mine that won't.

Pursuit of happiness

Lie about your dreams and who will help you achieve them?

Here's my favorite realization of 2007. This never made it in my blog the day it came hopping to my mind like a frog who was convinced it was more than a frog. I never got around to write it, until I was asked the question just hours ago, which was really not directly related to this one realization, which in turn makes me wonder a bit why write this down now.

In between the lines and in between everything that was said, facial expressions and all, I saw a girl who wanted to live her dreams after years of putting them aside. Those dreams were apparently not here in the Philippines. And I long since put it as the reason why she pushed away any guy that came too close, unless that guy also had dreams that are far from this country.

***

But did she have to lie?

Dr. Gregory House would say, "everybody lies." Lie about your dreams and who will help you achieve them? Those few whom you told the truth, of course. When people don't tell you about their ambitions, or lie about it when asked, it just means that the dreamer decided that you have no role in achieving it.

Harden not your heart

"If today you feel Carl's love, harden not your heart."

Ooh, catchy!

***

Near one of the traffic lights, on my way to work, I noticed a man giving spare change to one beggar. I'm not sure if the man's a beggar because I didn't see him begging, but the other man gave him some spare change anyway. I got an advice years ago not to give spare change to beggars. Because somehow, here in the Philippines, you can't trust anyone asking you for alms. They could be hoodlums in greasy, torn clothings. They say they could be professionals, part of the Beggars Who Are Not Really Beggars, Inc. "Save your peso, don't give it to Them." Give them food, instead. Give them bread. For a while I heeded their calls. For a while I believed them.

But what if they have lots of bread already? What if they don't like the bread that you like? Sure, they're beggars they are not supposed to choose. But that's beside the point. Different people like different types of bread, beggars or not.

So for today, starting today, I'm saying if you want to give, give money. Otherwise, keep your bread. If you're not 100% comfortable with giving away your money, then don't give them away. But don't give them your leftover food. Give them money, and let them choose however they want to spend it. I'm not being self-righteous here. I don't regularly give to beggars or to charity. I probably do it once a year only. But it's strange that some people regularly give out alms with pre-conditions. Nobody is forcing you to part with your money. But when you do part from them, you do it completely. Not worrying whether the beggar is really a beggar. Not worrying whether the beggar will buy food or alcohol. Once they're out of your hands, keep it that way or not at all.

The same thing can be said of love. When you give it away, don't worry what will happen next, don't worry how Charisse would respond.

Moonlit vigil

As a child I discovered a garden
Where I could hide myself
Whenever I'm absent from life.
As a child I hid a sun
So my way could have light
And my silence a friend.
- Mario Frangoulis, TON EAFTO TOU PAIDI
- (translated from Greek)

On March 3, the Youth Ministry (where I'm a member) of the local chapter of the Oasis of Love went to the Pelaez Sports Center for the World Youth Day Cross Visit. The WYD cross that is on its way to Sydney for the 2008 World Youth Day was here in our city for two days. Young men and women from and around the city were called to have a vigil. We were supposed to stay there overnight, but since I was feeling weak due to my recent bout with colds and fever, I had to leave the vigil at around twelve midnight. I wish I completed that vigil. I really do.

There were parts of the program that called for all the lights to be turned off and for us to be silent. In those moments, I remember my stargazing nights with my childhood barkada (my neighbors). When I was a child, we can only get two channels. And when there's nothing good to see on TV, the barkada would all go outside into the barren streets (dirt path, really). We had this neighbor who had Bermuda grasses (or is it just grass) in front of their house and we would all go there and sit down and talk. We talked about anything. Talked about the day before. Talked about what happened earlier on the day. Talked about our future, our hopes, our dreams. After a while we'd get tired of talking and we'd just stay there and be under the moon and the stars. In silence. Some of us would lie on our backs (which on hindsight might not have been hygienic, but then again we're just kids) and some would just sit and stare blankly at the empty lot on the other side of the road.

In that WYD Cross Vigil, in that brief moment when the lights were turned off, and there was nothing but the moon that lighted the surrounding, when everyone was called to be silent, I remember my childhood friends and our little moonlit vigils as young kids with nothing important to do. I miss them. I miss those times.

He and himself as a child...
They'll stand together
And see passing by like rivers
Moments that never grow old,
And the faces
That have turned themselves into streets and centuries,
And the dreams
That have dug through the years' hideouts.
- Mario Frangoulis, TON EAFTO TOU PAIDI
- (translated from Greek)

Wisdom

For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth
come knowledge and understanding.
- Proverbs 2:6

Note to self: Don't put your happiness in someone else's hands.

***

Note to self: Don't let your free-time dull your brain by watching too much TV. Learn two new languages. Learn Spanish, the language of Spain. Learn Ruby, the language of happy programmers (supposedly). Starting tomorrow if possible. Or how about tonight?

***

Note to self: You really must finish reading Veronika Decides To Die. It's not your book, you just borrowed it from a friend and you should be rereading Harry Potter books one to six by now. That's over 2,000 pages of Harry Potter to read before July 21, 2007.

***

The eight of us: Mae, Eric, Chris, Michelle, Ealbert, PJ, Bimbo, and me. We were supposed to watch 300 last Friday. But we ended up just having dinner at PJ's house. The six of them: fish, rice, fish, Coke, pineapple, and water. I hope we'll push through this Friday.

***

If for every kind word you say you are given one peso, and for every unkind word one peso is taken away from you, will you then be rich or poor?

Tsk tsk tsk... Last week, just because of this person, I would have been on the streets begging for pesos. I remember the 90-10 rule. And it's time to fight back. Time to be happy again.