Stargazing, hopes and dreams

When I was young the streets that run through our neighborhood is rough. Dusts everywhere. Stones everywhere. A neighbor used to have a broken pickup truck in front of their house. My childhood best friend and I would often lie on our backs on top of the truck, watch the stars and talk about our hopes and dreams. She'd talk mostly about dreams, and I about hopes.

We were probably ten. Because when you're nine you only have dreams. When you're ten, you have dreams, and you also have hopes. You hope to achieve your dreams. Then from eleven on, you actually work on achieving them. And then when you achieved them you realized what you achieved is so much different from what you hoped for when you were ten.

If I could do it again, find a broken pickup truck, lie on my back on top of that truck with my best friend, and watch the stars, I wonder what dreams she'd tell me and what hopes I'd confide to her. If I could do it again now as the year 2006 draws to a close, what would my hopes and dreams be for the new year and the years to come?

Let me search my feelings.

I hope to write more blog posts next year compared to 2006.

I dream of writing a novel someday. Right now, I don't see it happening anytime soon, but still there's that hope that one day I'll wake up with a brilliant story in mind, a story worth writing. I hope that by that time I will know enough nuts and bolts of writing novels to put that brilliant story idea to paper. This is my biggest dream right now. It's so far from becoming a reality, but I'm happy that there's no age limit to becoming a writer.

I hope for a reorganization of our department soon. Yeah, I know, why would I want that? Wouldn't the status quo be safer? Yes, indeed it would be safer, but somehow I feel that a reorganization of our department could be the push that I'm waiting for to go beyond mediocrity and search for more, search for a better job, search for a better life. The way I see it a reorganization is better than the status quo. Our department could be dissolved and then I'd be compelled to search for a job somewhere else. It's also possible for our department to be dissolved and then I could be re-hired by the outsourcing company that provides IT services for the new IT structure of the company. Whichever way, it could be a blessing in disguise waiting to happen.

I hope to reconnect with my childhood friend (and grade school classmate). The day before Christmas, I attended the christening of my godchild, the first child and son of my childhood best friend and neighbor. My childhood friend was one of the godmothers (the three of us were grade school classmates) and so we met at the reception. We had a pleasant conversation and got to catch up with each other a little bit. It's been a while since we last saw each other. She's as beautiful as ever and still got that smile that captured my heart way back when. Back then, I was fortunate to have also captured her heart. I know what you're thinking, but that's not it. I just want to be in communication with her again. To reconnect. Actually I'd like to reconnect with friends whom I haven't seen or heard from in a while.

I hope to cure my unhealthy tendency to dwell in the past. For the year 2007, may I find it easy to forgive and be easily forgiven. May I heal fast as well as a source for fast healing.

I hope for general happiness for me and my family, and also for my friends.

I hope for general happiness for you.

These are my hopes and my dreams for the year 2007 and the years to come. God bless us all in 2007. Happy new year!

rain, sleep

The sweet rain I cherished as a child
Is the same rain I fear as a grownup.
The gentle rain that never hurt me then,
Now makes me sneeze and cough.
Fear, as Yoda once said,
Is a path to the dark side.
***

At the office, the rain told me to go home.
At home, it told me to sleep.
I am still awake.
The rain speaks a strange language.
***

Into the deep forest of slumber I go.
Unto its grounds I lay down my day memories.
Tomorrow, at the break of dawn,
I shall gather them once more.
Some, I will lose. They are the forgotten.
A few new ones will be added. Lessons learned.
Strange thing, the journey through the night.
***

In a world and at a time
where everybody is sleeping,
I am awake.
I'll guard your dreams.
***

TXT GAP.
Even in my sleep, she is the one I texted.
Even in my wakefulness, she doesn't reply.
***

tale of two poems

I had recently been taking a fifteen-minute nap every after lunch break. I would put on my headset and listen to the playlist I call "sleepy head". In the playlist are instrumental that are very relaxing to the ears and perhaps to the soul. One of the pieces included in this playlist is The Lake House by Rachel Portman from the soundtrack of the movie of the same title. When I played it one day, I imagined myself being at the side of a lake (specifically the lake inside the Del Monte Golf Course in Cawayanon, Bukidnon), sitting down, looking far across the lake to the trees on the other side, with the cool breeze blowing from the lake to my face. I felt an exuberance I've never felt in quite a while. I was so happy that I started writing a poem on my mind expressing my happiness. But I didn't want to break my relaxation to write down what was on my head, so I put it off for the rest of the afternoon and decided to write it down later that evening.

Later that evening... Ha! Big mistake! I tried remembering how I felt earlier that afternoon, but failed. I wrote a poem, anyway, and the result is "dear lake, dear tree" . You can read this poem in my blog. When I reviewed it, I was surprised at how different it was to the one I had in mind during my nap. The poem I wrote down is very sad. I felt sorry for the narrator (that is to say, myself) and so I wrote another one with the intention of writing something with a happier tone. The result is "shimmering lake, beloved trees" that you can also read in my blog. It's happier, but not as happy as the one I had in mind earlier that day.

One inspiration. Two different poems. Two moods. Two poems that are different than the one originally intended. I should never put off writing down a poem I have in mind. Pen and paper must always be at the ready.

shimmering lake, beloved trees

Shimmering waters of the lake
I come before you here
Thankful for the gift of you
You who touch my heart
You who heal my soul
With the light on tiptoe
Dancing with random grace
On sweet waters
Waters dancing with such delight
Caressed by the wind

O beloved trees of the forest
I visit you once more
Grateful for the gift of you
With shade that cools my soul
That warms my heart
With the light on tiptoe
Dancing with random grace
On grateful leaves
Leaves dancing with utter joy
Moved by the wind

dear lake, dear tree

O dear lake, sweet sister
I come upon you again
Tired and aching
Hug me once again
With your soothing waters
Heal my broken soul
Caress me like the wind caresses you
Because of you I survive
Over uncertainties and doubts
You make me float

O dear tree, strong brother
I seek you once more
Confused and lonely
Shelter me once again
Under your assuring shades
Heal my broken heart
Lift me up like the wind lift the leaves
Because of you I survive
Over cruelties and deception
You make me fly