Theater Report: Forbidden Kingdom

April 23, 2008
Ayala Center Cinema 1
7:30 PM
Attendance: 95% of capacity

Story:

Jason is a kung fu obsessed teenager. He frequented what looked like a very weird video shop ran by an odd old man. He found a staff that turned out to be magical and was once owned by the Monkey King. Jason turned out to be "the one" who'll free the Monkey King from a Jade lord curse. To do that, though, he apparently had to travel back in time or to use the movie's term, "go through the gate of no gate" (what the heck?) to when Jackie Chan wore a hideous wig (I hope it's not his real hair) playing the "drunken master" (which I have to say he couldn't do as well as he once did years ago) and Jet Li was, well, Jet Li. Trained by these two masters, the evil Jade simply had no chance. There's this girl they threw into the story at a fight scene in a tea house who obviously was just thrown there so that the movie will have a female character (which otherwise doesn't add to the story). Jason fell in love with this girl later, or at least the writer tried to fool us that he did. This subplot has got to be the most underdeveloped love subplot in the history of impossible movie love affairs. This female character was simply just the token love-interest-of-the-hero role. The writer tried to flesh her character out by having her tell the story of how the evil Jade lord killed her father and burned down their village. But the way she told it and the way the "flashback" was presented on screen, I just didn't care. In the end her character was insignificant. Negligible. And sure enough she was killed later in the movie. And I shed not a single drop of tear. Even the circumstances upon which she died was a token kill-the-love-interest-of-the-hero act. In the end Jet Li trainor of Jason turned out to be a strand of hair of the Monkey King (which he used to clone himself) and drunken master Jackie Chan turned out to be odd old man from the odd old videoshop. The token love-interest girl reappeared in her 21st century hot girl glory seconds away from when the end credits scrolled up. And Jason smiled a knowing smile.

Thoughts:

The way I described the story above should be enough for anyone to gauage how I feel about this movie. What an utter waste of 140 pesos. Several of us from the office decided we should watch a movie. A mini poll was conducted. This movie won. It might look like I spoiled the movie by telling what happened in the end, but in reality I'm saving you (all four of you who read my blog) from accidentally spending your hard-earned cash on this movie.

Would I see it again? Would I recommend it to my friends? If you have to ask, you'll never know.

***

Actually, if I forget about the 140 pesos I paid for the ticket for a moment, I believe the very simplistic love connection presented in the movie between Jason and the token heroe's-love-interest can happen in real life. When both of you are eight. At that age, there's a big chance that your crush also has a crush on you. And you go on having a crush at each other, spending a lot of time together, writing each other notes, until such time that the two of you graduates from elementary school and had to go each other's separate ways because you are going to an all-boys high school and she an all-girls one.

I don't know. Just my opinion.