Unsent

I've just deleted a draft mail that's been sitting in my Drafts folder since July 16, 2006. What was I thinking in writing it? Things looked clearer then, before they got murky. Some emails are just not meant to be sent, the same way that some things are better left unsaid.

Pursuit of happiness

Lie about your dreams and who will help you achieve them?

Here's my favorite realization of 2007. This never made it in my blog the day it came hopping to my mind like a frog who was convinced it was more than a frog. I never got around to write it, until I was asked the question just hours ago, which was really not directly related to this one realization, which in turn makes me wonder a bit why write this down now.

In between the lines and in between everything that was said, facial expressions and all, I saw a girl who wanted to live her dreams after years of putting them aside. Those dreams were apparently not here in the Philippines. And I long since put it as the reason why she pushed away any guy that came too close, unless that guy also had dreams that are far from this country.

***

But did she have to lie?

Dr. Gregory House would say, "everybody lies." Lie about your dreams and who will help you achieve them? Those few whom you told the truth, of course. When people don't tell you about their ambitions, or lie about it when asked, it just means that the dreamer decided that you have no role in achieving it.

Sarcasm

"Lando", the tropical depression I wrote about in my previous blog post never made a lasting impression. It rained a lot back in Cagayan de Oro, so I'm used to it. The wind that Lando carried was strong, but I've experienced stronger winds when I was young while at vacation in Pulupandan, Negros Occidental. In the entire ordeal, if you can call it that, I never feared for my life. I knew it was nothing.

And it was nothing, which I wished didn't happen because they canceled the crystal lamination class session last Monday, November 19. It wasn't postponed, it was canceled. So instead of two sessions, we had only one. The cancellation was unfortunate because the skies cleared (I'm sure it cleared though I couldn't see it because it was night already) by the time our class was set to end.

Tropical Depression "Lando"

"Lando" is upon us. For a solid two hours (I'm guessing, I didn't really count the hours wheezing by with the rain and winds like long lost best friends who've not seen each other since "Kelly") it showed its fury in full Public Storm Signal No. 2 glory. Wetter than a Signal No. 1, but dryer than a No. 3. (I don't know who came before "Lando" so I just invented "Kelly", which is probably wrong because it's not a very Filipino-sounding storm name.) Now "Lando" is just a 2, so instead of uprooting the palm trees lining the streets of Cardinal Rosales Ave., Lando just shook them violently, cutting their branches and leaves, littering them on the streets across the mall we call The Ayala Center. And instead of the rain pouring like there's no tomorrow, it just poured like crazy, conjuring mini-floods near the traffic lights 50 meters from the Cebu Marriott Hotel where Cardinal Rosales Ave. crosses Luzon Ave.

As I am writing this, the heavens has calmed down a bit. Not that I'm blaming the heavens. It's just that we always describe heaven to be in the skies while hell to be under the underground. If hell was in the skies instead of heaven I'd say hell cooled down, or maybe that it lost another glory. Survivors of Signal No. 2 are continuing with their lives, bracing for and praying against No. 3, and wishing things were as they were in the golden hours, when Lando was just a Public Storm Signal No. 1.

Harden not your heart

"If today you feel Carl's love, harden not your heart."

Ooh, catchy!

***

Near one of the traffic lights, on my way to work, I noticed a man giving spare change to one beggar. I'm not sure if the man's a beggar because I didn't see him begging, but the other man gave him some spare change anyway. I got an advice years ago not to give spare change to beggars. Because somehow, here in the Philippines, you can't trust anyone asking you for alms. They could be hoodlums in greasy, torn clothings. They say they could be professionals, part of the Beggars Who Are Not Really Beggars, Inc. "Save your peso, don't give it to Them." Give them food, instead. Give them bread. For a while I heeded their calls. For a while I believed them.

But what if they have lots of bread already? What if they don't like the bread that you like? Sure, they're beggars they are not supposed to choose. But that's beside the point. Different people like different types of bread, beggars or not.

So for today, starting today, I'm saying if you want to give, give money. Otherwise, keep your bread. If you're not 100% comfortable with giving away your money, then don't give them away. But don't give them your leftover food. Give them money, and let them choose however they want to spend it. I'm not being self-righteous here. I don't regularly give to beggars or to charity. I probably do it once a year only. But it's strange that some people regularly give out alms with pre-conditions. Nobody is forcing you to part with your money. But when you do part from them, you do it completely. Not worrying whether the beggar is really a beggar. Not worrying whether the beggar will buy food or alcohol. Once they're out of your hands, keep it that way or not at all.

The same thing can be said of love. When you give it away, don't worry what will happen next, don't worry how Charisse would respond.

Hale to Champ!

Hale to Champ!

Wow. I'm so original with this pun. Hehe... I'm the one to his right (not the red-shirt wearing dude). This photo is taken right after the private concert Hale did for the two hundred of us. Sorry for the cryptic caption. Must be discrete.

A soul that cares

i have nothing to give you
except my time
my loyalty
my understanding
my friendship
my love
a shoulder to lean on
a shoulder to cry on
i have an ear for listening
a heart for understanding
i am a soul that cares

On Snape and Hermione

Here's something I posted in a Harry Potter mailing list on May 7, 2003 weeks before the release of book five (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix):

The only teaser that I want (from this stunt by the British publishers) is
whether or not Severus Snape realizes that Hermione Granger is displaying
skills that perhaps he himself displayed while he was a student at Hogwarts.
I tried to imagine Snape while he was in Hogwarts and it just dawned on me
that it's highly likely that he was just like Hermione Granger.
Intelligent, bookish, and showing more than a decent mastery over the
various wizarding skills.

I mean look at Hermione. She's very good in all subjects except perhaps in
Divination and in flying lessons (which is yet unclear because the book have
never really tackled Hermione's broomstick skills). She brewed the
Polyjuice Potion in the Chamber (are we seeing a potions master in the
making?). She taught Harry almost all the spells that the he knows.

And look at Snape. He can do spells without his wand (saving Harry in his
first Quidditch game). He's not bad with his wand, either (duel with
Lockhart). He's the potions master. I even believe that he didn't actually
fancy teaching the DADA classes. Potion seems to be, aside from
Transfiguration, the most powerful branch of wizardry; "put a stopper in
death", bring almost dead people back to life(Voldemort).

I will not be surprise if at the end of book seven Hermione Granger pursues
a career as a professor in Hogwarts (or Durmstrang) teaching Potions.

Tomorrow, July 21: Do not disturb

Tomorrow and probably through Sunday...

Do Not Disturb.
Will be reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows...the hard, paper and ink book I reserved from National Bookstore.

My predictions:
Harry will live.
Ron will end up with Hermione.

In other news, today marked my first week in my new job, and tomorrow marks my first full week here in Cebu. It's interesting to be working inside a building where finishing touches are still being done. You notice improvements everyday, and your working environment is improving daily. If I had any doubts if I made the right decision in jumping ships (I had none, by the way), what I learned in the first few weeks about my new company erased it all.

One of those finer things about my new company: one of my fellow new joiner fell sick with dengue, and the next day my new company gave us free anti-mosquito lotion to protect us from mosquitoes.

On living in Cebu. I don't think it's more expensive than living in Cagayan de Oro. This is a myth, I think. Fine dining here is just as fine as in Cagayan de Oro, and karenderya-dining is just as cheap. Here in Cebu, I spend 6 pesos going to the city-center. Back in Cagayan, it's 20 pesos. There's no place like home, of course, but that's just beside the point.

A song for no one

(Something I wrote around March 2006 after watching the (soprano) Evelyn Mandac Concert at the Rodelsa Hall, March 18, 2006. And like anything that is written in one sitting, it's very amateurish in my opinion. But I'm posting this anyway.)

I sing a song for no one
For they wouldn't care
I sing a song for her
But she doesn't care
If I sing a song for you
Would you care?

With every word I utter
Are the experiences of the lyricists
Every time I sing, I speak for them
I fade away
And the lyricist takes over

But give me a chance, you'll see
Underneath the lyrics and the music
Is me borrowing the perfect words and notes
To describe how I feel
Look further and you'll see me
Listen further and you'll hear me

A Song for No One