Moonlit vigil

As a child I discovered a garden
Where I could hide myself
Whenever I'm absent from life.
As a child I hid a sun
So my way could have light
And my silence a friend.
- Mario Frangoulis, TON EAFTO TOU PAIDI
- (translated from Greek)

On March 3, the Youth Ministry (where I'm a member) of the local chapter of the Oasis of Love went to the Pelaez Sports Center for the World Youth Day Cross Visit. The WYD cross that is on its way to Sydney for the 2008 World Youth Day was here in our city for two days. Young men and women from and around the city were called to have a vigil. We were supposed to stay there overnight, but since I was feeling weak due to my recent bout with colds and fever, I had to leave the vigil at around twelve midnight. I wish I completed that vigil. I really do.

There were parts of the program that called for all the lights to be turned off and for us to be silent. In those moments, I remember my stargazing nights with my childhood barkada (my neighbors). When I was a child, we can only get two channels. And when there's nothing good to see on TV, the barkada would all go outside into the barren streets (dirt path, really). We had this neighbor who had Bermuda grasses (or is it just grass) in front of their house and we would all go there and sit down and talk. We talked about anything. Talked about the day before. Talked about what happened earlier on the day. Talked about our future, our hopes, our dreams. After a while we'd get tired of talking and we'd just stay there and be under the moon and the stars. In silence. Some of us would lie on our backs (which on hindsight might not have been hygienic, but then again we're just kids) and some would just sit and stare blankly at the empty lot on the other side of the road.

In that WYD Cross Vigil, in that brief moment when the lights were turned off, and there was nothing but the moon that lighted the surrounding, when everyone was called to be silent, I remember my childhood friends and our little moonlit vigils as young kids with nothing important to do. I miss them. I miss those times.

He and himself as a child...
They'll stand together
And see passing by like rivers
Moments that never grow old,
And the faces
That have turned themselves into streets and centuries,
And the dreams
That have dug through the years' hideouts.
- Mario Frangoulis, TON EAFTO TOU PAIDI
- (translated from Greek)

Daughtry

I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
- Chris Daughtry, Home

I'm not really into rock, but I'm loving this album by AI5 finalist Chris Daughtry. It's entitled, Daughtry. I love all tracks, but my favorites are the first five tracks. Now if I have to pick just one favorite track, it would have to be track three, Home. This is like a rock album that makes sense.

I also like AI5 finalist Kellie Pickler's album, but I don't like Katharine McPhee's debut album. I don't think those who voted for McPhee are very happy with her debut album. I can't find the McPhee I saw and heard in the AI5 finals anywhere inside the album (or maybe that's her point? I don't get her). Contrast this to Pickler's debut album. What is likeable and loveable about Pickler is inside her album. I was rooting for McPhee to win AI5, but based on their albums alone it should have been Daughtry who won AI5, with Pickler as the runner up.

Home

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, it makes true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.

Wisdom

For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth
come knowledge and understanding.
- Proverbs 2:6

Note to self: Don't put your happiness in someone else's hands.

***

Note to self: Don't let your free-time dull your brain by watching too much TV. Learn two new languages. Learn Spanish, the language of Spain. Learn Ruby, the language of happy programmers (supposedly). Starting tomorrow if possible. Or how about tonight?

***

Note to self: You really must finish reading Veronika Decides To Die. It's not your book, you just borrowed it from a friend and you should be rereading Harry Potter books one to six by now. That's over 2,000 pages of Harry Potter to read before July 21, 2007.

***

The eight of us: Mae, Eric, Chris, Michelle, Ealbert, PJ, Bimbo, and me. We were supposed to watch 300 last Friday. But we ended up just having dinner at PJ's house. The six of them: fish, rice, fish, Coke, pineapple, and water. I hope we'll push through this Friday.

***

If for every kind word you say you are given one peso, and for every unkind word one peso is taken away from you, will you then be rich or poor?

Tsk tsk tsk... Last week, just because of this person, I would have been on the streets begging for pesos. I remember the 90-10 rule. And it's time to fight back. Time to be happy again.

From Bobby's desk calendar

"Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge
against one of your people,
but love your neighbor as yourself.
I am the LORD."
- Leviticus 19:18

Sing like nobody is listening. Dance like nobody is watching. Love like you've never been hurt. This season of Lent, forgive like you've only been wounded once.

"Loving God, loving others and finding value in ourselves. Without a doubt, these three aspects of love are the most effective weapons against the destructive power of low self-worth."
- Gary Smalley and John Trent

***
The quote and the Bible passage is from the desk calendar of my officemate.

Teach us to number our days aright

We can only live our days wisely when we see God clearly.
- Josh Harris

Sometimes I am too conceited, too confident to think that God is always smiling down on me that I forget that I really do have a lot of transgressions. But when I do remember to look for him, to ask for forgiveness, to ask for blessing, everything becomes clearer.

Seeing God clearly is anything but easy. But in those times that I do see Him clearly, I am truly happy.

Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Relent, O LORD! How long will it be?
Have compassion on your servants.
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
- Psalm 90:12-14

It is that simple, really. I just need to recognize the fleeting nature of my life in order to see things in perspective. That I don't have time to worry over trivial stuffs. Or no time to worry at all. Be true to myself. Find ways to celebrate the things that make me happy and forget about those things that won't.

***

Tomorrow my officemates and I will watch the premiere performance of West Side Story at the Rodelsa Hall of Liceo de Cagayan University. If we push through, it would only be my second time at the Rodelsa Hall. I went there the first time to watch the concert of soprano Evelyn Mandac, which was almost a year ago. It's an excellent place for the performing arts. The seats are very good, wall-to-wall carpeting, superb acoustics, and very theater-y ambiance. I don't think there's a better place for the performing arts here in Mindanao than the Rodelsa Hall.

I think the only reason why serious concerts are not being held there is that it can't hold as many audience as the regular, ugly, lame concert venues here in the city. In other words it's not very "pang-masa". Because of the limited seating, in order for the for-profit not-so-serious concerts to be held there, the organizers are going to have to charge very high for the tickets. But for soprano/tenor concerts, choral concerts, piano recitals, and other serious concerts, there's no better place than Rodelsa.

Because of the limited seating, most events at the Rodelsa are by local theater groups and local artists only. The West Side Story will be performed by the University's theater group, I think. Last year they performed The Sound of Music. I can't understand why my alma mater, Xavier University (Ateneo de Cagayan), won't invest on a facility equal to that of Liceo de Cagayan University's Rodelsa Hall.

High drama

high drama

it's not enough to say
"you're beautiful"
the birds must sing
with such delight
as you pass by

it's not right to say
"you've such sweet smile"
my heart must leap
and my spirit fly
because you smiled

"you're friendly"
isn't gonna cut it
the sun must shine
like never before
after years of storm

"you've lovely voice"
is quite simplistic
my ears must flutter
and my heart dance each time
you whisper my name

i couldn't just say
"i miss you"
i have to say
"my heart yearns to see you again"
soon my friend

One long goodbye

The picture is that of I-forgot-what-hole of the Del Monte Golf Course in Manolo Fortich, Bukidnon. I took it September 17, 2006, hours before a phone conversation with a friend, to whom I dedicate the poem, a conversation where she told me she's boarding a plane that would take her to a city far from Cagayan de Oro (the city otherwise known as Los Angeles, CA). I thought we'll never see each other for a very long time.

I thought she'd never return. I was wrong, she did. I thought I was saying goodbye to her back then. That, too, was wrong. It's only now, five months later, that I am truly beginning to say goodbye. How ironic, too, that it's happening when she has returned. How things have changed from when I talked to her that night of September 17, to when I wrote the poem October 1, to now.

I'm beginning to say goodbye. Will it ever end? Shoud I even say goodbye?

dnt give me dat
drama, watevr u
col it. m tyrd...
- the friend to whom i dedicate this poem

Ears a flutter?

Fluttering ears. Now there's a pretty picture.

I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself
- Savage Garden, Affirmation

What?

In addition, the applicant is a charming, sweet lady with the most infectious smile I've ever known. She has such sweet smile that can lighten anybody's day. Her smile can lighten my day. Her glasses cannot hide those beautiful round eyes. She has such sweet voice, too. She can read the dictionary and I could listen to her all day. I love my friend. I love everything about her.

The question was: What skills/abilities does the applicant have that makes him/her ideal for -----?

Say what? And don't count the dashes. I'd like to think it's because it's February and it's two days before the fourteenth. Or maybe, just maybe, as one of our instructors in a recent training puts it, "must be the weather." Whatever it is, though, this guy's in love with his friend. Funny. Funny not because he's in love, funny because what is being asked for are "skills/abilities". Yeah, just in case you didn't get it. I have to explain.

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye
- Savage Garden, Affirmation

Deathly hallows

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be published July 21, 2007. As always (since the fifth book, this is the seventh) I will be pre-ordering my copy from National Bookstore that I know for sure will release it on that day.

I always knew that Harry's story would end with the seventh book, but saying goodbye has been just as hard as I always knew it would be. Even while I'm mourning, though, I feel an incredible sense of achievement. I can hardly believe that I've finally written the ending I've been planning for so many years. I've never felt such a mixture of extreme emotions in my life, never dreamed I could feel simultaneously heartbroken and euphoric. - JK Rowling

I have until July 20 to reread books one to six. But even before I can start rereading them, I must finish reading Paulo Coelho's Veronika Decides To Die and Nicholas Sparks's A Walk To Remember first because I only borrowed them from my friends.

Walk with me

I'm renaming my blog, yet again, from Carl News Network to the simpler Walk With Carl. What does this mean? Nothing, really. I just have nothing better to do. For those who are interested (yeah right), the name history of this blog now looks like this:

• 2007 February - Walk With Carl
• 2005 September - Carl News Network
• 2004 May - The Smaller Picture

It has been a long walk since 2004 and I don't see it ending anytime soon. Along the way I have posted embarrassing stuffs as well as stuffs that I am proud of. Along the way I have posted a lot of questions, some of them have been answered. Along the way I have written things that were only true back then. There have been a lot of changes since I started this walk. This is just another one.

Do you have a minute? Walk with me.

Hayley

Walking with Hayley is like a guided tour of heaven. The rough road is transformed into a golden pathway. The houses that go whichever way quickly dressed up in uniforms. In a moment each one is as tall as the other one. I walk with Hayley and my steps go lighter every word she says. Problems, gone. Worries, gone. All smiles.

So why, tell me why the good die young my old friend
I pray that heaven waits for everyone in the end
And love, love is how we cross that bridge to the light
A star that is what you are in my darkest night
Be always by my side
-Hayley Westenra, Heaven

I smile even as she confides a sad story. I smile even as she tells it in the brink of tears. I smile because I hear in her voice a promise that everything is going to be okay. I walk away from her assured that I'm going to be fine. She gave me a small cross. Something to remember the promise by, her promise, God's promise. I'll meet my sister again for, as Hayley said, heaven waits for everyone in the end. Heaven will wait for me. My sister will wait for me. I will continue walking. Walk with me.

For Emily.